Kiara-isms

It's been awhile since I've posted some of Kiara's funny sayings but she still pulls out one-liners every day. Here are some of my faves:

"Mom, Boston and I are laughing about fruit. Hey Boston, FRUIT!" Followed by fake, forced laughter from her and genuine laughter from me :)

"I can't tell you what movie I want to watch because I'm going potty and I'm not allowed to talk."

"Can I wear my Barbie dress that we got from I am a Child of God?" (AKA Once Upon a Child)

"Mom, why don't you just tell me when my pancake is ready." (Insert exasperated sigh) "I can't stand here waiting forever!"

"I don't need sunglasses, the sun's not ticklish at all."

I sure love my goofy girl!



Happy St. Patrick's Day!

From my little leprechauns to yours!

Picture update

I gave a written update in the last post so here is a picture update of the last few months. 

We had a fun playgroup at Jungle Jims. I was pleasantly surprised at how many rides Boston could go on. Kiara was in heaven and rode each ride at least a dozen times. We definitely got our money's worth out of the unlimited ride wristband!

Boston got his first haircut by mom. It will probably be his last one done by me too since I wasn't happy with the way it turned out (apparently it's hard to cut hair on a very active 17-month-old! Who knew!)

Before:

During:

After (please don't judge me):

I think Boss was happy it was over!

Kiara also got a new hair-do. The transracial family group I mentioned in my last post held a hair night back in January. I decided that was a good opportunity to relax her hair and I love how it turned out!

Before:

After:

She hated the actual relaxing process just because she hates anyone touching her hair and a guy that was at the hair night told her that he would give her $1 if she stopped crying. She stopped long enough to get the money and then started right back up again! She was very proud to walk in and show her prize to Ben though!

We've had so much fun playing with her hair since then and trying new styles. Before, however I styled it after I washed it was how it stayed until the next washing because her hair is too thick and dry to part unless it's soaking wet. Now we can change the style every day if we want! 

We have loved being back by cousins. We usually play with them 3-4 times a week. 

Kiara and Thomas are 6 weeks to the day apart and they are thick as thieves! 

 Boston and Taft are 6 months apart and play really well together.

 Tyler, Thomas, Emma and Kiara at the Safe Kids Fair.

 Kiara worships Emma and Em is so patient and loving with her. 

  And then there is Macy. Kiara and Mace are 6 months apart and are so similar in so many ways (creative, headstrong, independent) and so opposite in other ways (Macy isn't in to the princesses or Tinkerbell. Enough said!). They are so cute together though and I love the way they balance each other out. 

My goal for this next week is to take at least one picture every day so I should have plenty to blog about! Let's hope I can start a streak!

Going home

I miss the days of blogging regularly. I used to upload the pictures from my camera the same day I took them and then immediately blog about the pictures and the stories behind them. Then Boston was born and suddenly my free time was not as abundant. Now I think about blogging often but when I do have time to sit down and write I either don't have my camera nearby, have writer's block or I start reading other blogs instead. Today there are no excuses though. I have all of these cute pictures and stories of my kids' young lives and I want to remember them so no more excuses! 

Most people who read this blog (if there's anybody left!) already know but for the sake of having a written record, I'll give an update on our situation. Back in November when we were in Utah for Thanksgiving, Ben interviewed for a promotion/transfer with his company. The new position would be based in SLC and we'd be able to be back by family. On December 7th we found out that he had gotten the job and they wanted him to start at the beginning of the new year. We were already planning on driving to Utah on the 18th then flying from Salt Lake to New Hampshire on the 20th and staying there for the whole Christmas break. The only way the timing was going to work for him to start his new position at the beginning of the year was for us to move on the 18th. So 11 days after we found out he got the job, we emptied our house in to a moving truck and said some very hard (harder than I ever imagined!) goodbyes to many incredible friends who had become our California family. 

As we were driving past the very same spot in Stockton where we had been sitting in traffic 3+ years earlier, during our trip to interview with the Ports, my emotions overcame me. I remembered how scared and hesitant I was that day thinking about the adventure on which we were about to embark. With the exception of a summer in Montana in 2005, I had never lived farther than 45 minutes from my family and the Utah culture was all I knew. The thought of leaving everyone we knew and loved and starting over in a new state where we knew NOBODY was so frightening to me. I was sure I wouldn't be able to handle it and I'd be miserable. I was sure I wouldn't be able to make any, let alone the right decisions, without my brothers there to instruct me. And I was sure that I wouldn't fit in the California lifestyle and I'd never make any friends. 

Now, 3 years later,  as we were driving away from the place we had come to know and love so much I couldn't imagine not living there. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like or the person I would be if I hadn't had those experiences or made the friends I had. To think I could have gone the next 50 years without meeting Janie or Yannette or Kate or Eva! And now I had to go back to Utah and leave all of those people behind? Even though we were going "home" the thought was quite saddening. I suddenly wondered if we had made the right decision in leaving CA, though rationally I knew we had. Then I remembered something else about our trip 3 years earlier. I remembered sitting in church singing Hymn #89, "The Lord is my Light." The first line of that hymn says, "The Lord is my light, then why should I fear?" Later on in verse 3 it says, "The Lord is my light, the Lord is my strength. I know in His might I'll conquer at length." When I sang that hymn and heard those words back in 2007 I was immediately calm and I knew that no matter what choices I ever made in life, as long as I made them with the blessing of my Heavenly Father, I'd be fine. No matter what state we live in or what earthly family lives near us, He IS my light and He will ALWAYS be with me, right by my side, so I really don't have any reason to be afraid. That reassurance was definitely a tender mercy from a loving Father and was exactly what I needed at that point. 

Over the next 2 days we drove 21 hours (we had to go the long way through Vegas because I-80 was shut down through Donner Pass due to weather) through torrential rain and a little snow. Our kids were perfect and I was so proud of how patient and flexible they were with us throughout the whole moving ordeal. We finally got in to Salt Lake Sunday evening and were so excited to be here for good! It's now been almost 3 months that we've been back and we're settling in pretty well. Ben is doing great at his new job and just recently started classes for his MBA so we don't get to see him as much as we did with his old position but it just makes us appreciate the time we do have with him that much more! We are living with my parents right now while our house is being built and it's going pretty well, although we can't wait to be in our new home! I'm so excited to finally be settled and in one place permanently! 

Kiara loves being back here by Grandma and Papa and all of her cousins and we've already made some new friends through a transracial family playgroup that meets once a week. One of the biggest sacrifices of moving back here from CA is that we lost all of that ethnic diversity and we've had to seek out opportunities to meet families similar to ours, so we're grateful to have found this group. 

Boston is growing and learning more every day and his little personality is so entertaining! He's really starting to form opinions and isn't afraid to express them! I love hearing him try to talk and watch the little wheels turn inside his head as he realizes what tasks he's capable of doing himself. We've definitely got 2 independent little spirits on our hands but we wouldn't have it any other way! 

Life is good!

Different--Update

Thank you so much for all of the kind words of love, support and encouragement after my last post. I still don't know what brought on those strong emotions but I'm grateful that when I finally gave them a voice I was met with such a caring audience. 

I've thought A LOT about the things I wrote and have a great sense of peace now that I didn't have a week ago. That's not to say that I don't still feel the way I did when I wrote the post, I think I'll probably always feel that way, but right now it doesn't weigh on me so heavily and for that I'm grateful.

 One thing I realized last week is that there are going to be many circumstances in my kids' lives when they feel different and can't relate to their friends and cousins. As much as I would like to avoid it, there will be times when they feel like they don't belong because of their race, gender, DNA, hair, you name it! And when those situations arise, I will be better equipped to sympathize with them because I have felt similar feelings. And so if me feeling "different" will in any way make my childrens' lives a little easier or help me to understand them better, then it will all have been totally worth it!

Another realization I had is that there are many ways people can feel out of place or like they don't belong and I'm grateful for one commenter in particular who helped remind me of that. It's so easy to get caught up in our own little bubbles and turn toward ourselves rather than focusing on those around us. I have a new-found committment to be more aware of other people and their battles and support them any way I can.

I'm so grateful for the support system I have in my life and that includes everyone reading this right now. There is such comfort in knowing people are aware of you and pulling for you and I think everybody needs a reminder of that now and then.

Thanks again, life is good!

Different

One of my oldest and closest friends is due with her first baby next month. Her baby shower was held a couple of weeks ago and while I was there I felt her stomach as her little girl moved around inside of her. It was an incredible moment and while I was marveling at the craziness of it, I realized it was the first time I have ever felt a child move in utero. I have 15 nieces and nephews, two of whom I watched enter this world, and two children of my own and yet I never felt any of them move before they were born. It was a weird realization and one I've thought a lot about since I first had it.

Then last week I got together with this same friend and two others, who together make up my own brand of sisters.  Once little E joins the club next month, we will all officially be mothers. 

During the course of our evening together we started imparting our ever-abundant wisdom on our pregnant friend and telling all sorts of stories about babies, marriage, formula and so on. Then, as it almost always does, the conversation turned to birthing a baby. And then to nursing. And then to birth control. This is typically my cue to go check on the kids or make a phone call or do anything else that allows me to leave the room and skip over this part of the conversation so as to avoid the inevitable pit in my stomach that follows. And I must admit that over the course of the last 7 years I've gotten pretty good at tactfully escaping. Because the truth is, these are aspects of motherhood to which I just can't relate and sometimes it's too painful to be reminded that I'm different. 

But this time I stayed and listened because these are my girls and if I can't be vulnerable in front of them then I can't be vulnerable in front of anyone. But to be totally honest, it hurt just a little bit more than I realized at the time because here we are 5 days later and it's 1:30 in the morning and my mind just keeps re-playing the conversation. 

And then my thoughts go here:

Nobody asked me if I wanted my babies to sleep in my room or the nursery the first night they were born. In fact, I could only see them when I was given permission and a stupid little wristband. Oh how I resent those wristbands!

No specialist came in and talked to me about feeding my babies or told me how often they needed to eat. In fact, I could only feed them when I was given permission and the nurses weren't allowed to tell me how long it had been since the last feeding. That was private information only the "mother" could know. 

I didn't have an epidural for my pain. In fact, my pain was invisible and often dismissed or down-played. 

I never traded in my regular clothes for those that said "maternity" (although I am definitely big enough to and I'm sure they'd be more comfortable than my current wardrobe!), nor did I reach a point where I couldn't tie my shoes or shave my legs. 

I didn't see either of my babies take their first breath or hear their first cry. This is the one that hurts the most. I didn't see their first bath nor do I have pictures of Ben cutting their umbilical cord, because he didn't. In fact, I don't even know who did. I guess the doctor must have but I don't know for sure. 

I will always need to distinguish my role as mother from two other women's role as a different kind of mother. Some people scoff when I correct them for saying "Boston's mom" or "Kiara's mom" when referring to their birthmothers, but it's a crucial distinction. 

I love adoption and I love my kids' birthmoms with a fierceness that can't be put in to words. I will defend them till the day I die and I will always be their #1 fan. 

I adore my children. They are my whole world and are so perfect for me and for our family. I recognized them the moment I saw them and I know it was always the plan for the four of us to be a family. Nobody knows more than I do how blessed I am just to be a mom and how lucky we are to have had two {almost} perfect adoptions.

If given the opportunity to change things and have our kids come to us biologically, I never would. I experienced things I never would have had I given birth and those memories and lessons are worth more to me than all the ice chips in the world (and I love ice chips!). My kids came to us how and when they were supposed to and through the women they were supposed to come. For whatever reason, this was the plan for my two little miracles and I'm grateful every day for it. 

And while I know it has NOTHING to do with my kids, it's all me, every once in a while it still hurts to be different. Why is that?

August

Things finally started calming down for is in August and we didn't go out of town at all! That is unprecedented!

Probably the biggest event of the month was the table we were in charge of at a local county fair. The point of the table was to spread awareness about adoption and it was a big success! We ended up bringing the kids with us and I think it was good for people to see the faces of adoption and realize we're a normal family just like everybody else, we just found each other in a different way.

There was a petting zoo right next to our area and Kiara loved the cow, although she had a very hard time looking at me while she was petting it. Every time I went to take the picture she looked off to the side like this. It was pretty funny. 

Another huge event that happened this month was Kiara started preschool! She has been asking to go to school for over a year and she was so excited to start! I couldn't help but cry after I dropped her off the first time and realized that my baby is getting way too big. She is such an incredible little person and I've loved seeing her grow and learn at school. Every time I pick her up she talks non-stop for about 10 minutes about all of the fun things she did and learned at school that day. Let's hope that excitement and love for learning never leaves her!

She looked way too grown up that day and every day since!

The rest of the month was filled with trips to the zoo, 

lots of swimming,

and of course, eating!

Hope your summer was as great as ours!