We need your help!

First of all I want to thank everyone who responded so kindly to my Work in Progress post last week. It meant a lot to me to hear such words of comfort and support from several of you. Thank you.

Now on to the part where I become very candid and ask for your help. For those who don't know, Ben & I experience complete infertility. We don't suffer from it, it doesn't plague us. Our infertility is the greatest blessing in disguise we could ever experience because it led us to adoption and eventually to our amazing daughter. We know she was meant to be ours and we know she was meant to come to us through adoption and we wouldn't have it any other way.

We also know we have more children waiting to come to our family. We know Kiara is meant to be a big sister and for the last 16 months we have been trying desperately to make that happen, but we can only do so much. That is where you come in.

There are several misconceptions about adoption (ever want to get more educated on fact or fiction? Ask me, I love to help spread adoption truths!). One common error in thinking is that an adoptive couple fills out their paperwork and then a baby is there waiting for them once they're approved. While the wait times with some private agencies may be fairly short (like the one we used for Kiara) and they may have good birthmother to adoptive family ratios, this is often not the case.

Now you'll notice, I underlined "private." That is because we are working with LDS Family Services (LDSFS) which is subsidized and run through the LDS (Mormon) church, and they are not a typical private agency. LDSFS almost always has far more adoptive families than they do birthmothers, meaning those who rely simply on Family Services to find their birthmother and child for them, are likely to be waiting a very long time. That is why LDSFS so strongly encourages adoptive families to be proactive and be their own advocates.

Well, this is us being proactive and being our own advocate. We are getting family pictures taken this weekend and will soon be making new pass-along cards. These are kind of like business cards: something with our family picture and information on it, meant to be given out to as many people as possible in order to spread the word that we are hoping to adopt.

You might not think you have any need for something like this or that you would never encounter someone who is considering placing their child for adoption, and you may be right. The average person doesn't know someone in such an incredibly tough situation...but the average person does know someone who knows someone who knows someone who is or was in this situation. You never know who you're going to meet or what role they're going to play in your life (or you in theirs for that matter). So, if you or someone you know would be willing to carry some of these pass-along cards in your purse, glove compartment, desk at work, whatever, even if you think you'll never use them and it's pointless, PLEASE leave a comment with your contact info, or email me at benkatieandkiara@gmail.com and I will send you some as soon as they come in. These can be especially effective when left with people like OBGYNs, pediatricians, police officers, teachers, bishops, etc.

Another way you can help is by adding a "Our friends are hoping to adopt" section to your blog's sidebar, and link to either this blog: http://bosoxfam.blogspot.com or our adoption blog: http://benkatieandkiara.blogspot.com. The difference between the two blogs is very minimal, I just don't post as much of my venting and rambling on the adoption blog as I do here. In the very near future we will also be making buttons for people to add to their blogs. You never know who will stumble upon your blog and see those fateful words.

And of course, if you're not comfortable doing any of the above listed things, we ask that you just please keep us in mind and mention us to people in your life if the subject of adoption happens to come up. I don't have exact statistics but I know a large number of LDSFS placements occur as designated adoptions, meaning the adoptive family and the birth family were put in contact via a common acquaintance. I guarantee most of those acquaintances didn't enter in to the situation thinking they were going to be forming a family but they did.

Please know that if you don't feel comfortable participating in this process, we totally understand and will have no hard feelings. If you would like further information on the adoption process or our family specifically, please, please, please email me at benkatieandkiara@gmail.com (or if you have my other email, feel free to use that one too I just don't like to put our last name on the blog) or leave a comment and I will answer any questions you have. If we don't happen to know each other IRL, that's okay, still contact me. I will not think it's weird, I will admire you even more for your courage.

One more thing I want to point out: to adopt through (meaning be an adoptive family) LDS Family Services, you do have to be an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. HOWEVER, to place your child for adoption or simply to receive help exploring your options about what to do with your child, you can be any race, religion or age. A parent can receive information on behalf of their child, a boyfriend on behalf of his girlfriend, a sibling for a sibling, you get the idea. Plus, LDSFS offers lifetime counseling to all of their birthmoms and is well-known for their superior treatment of people in a crisis pregnancy situation, regardless of whether they choose adoption or not.

Thank you in advance for your support in this life-changing endeavor. Your efforts will be appreciated more than you know!

Kiara-isms, baseball edition

#1-We were at the ballpark the other day and Kiara asked, "Is this the baseball park where Daddy lives?" Needless to say she has been missing her dad lately!

#2-Also at the ballpark (see a theme here?) we were singing "Take me out to the Ball Game" during the 7th inning stretch. I've been teaching her this song as a surprise for Ben but I was the surprised one when she said "Buy me some peanuts and apple jacks..." She now corrects me when we sing it and I say "cracker jacks."

#3-Last night Kiara told me my name was Daddy. I said "You know I'm not Daddy, silly, I'm Mommy." To which she replied, "No you're Daddy with the (name withheld) baseball team!"

Oh my sweet K-Mae, what would I do for entertainment without you?

Happy Birthday, Brox

Well this post is long overdue, 17 days to be exact. My 3rd nephew, Brox, turned 7 on May 10.

Brox is a great little guy. He's got a great sense of humor and an incredibly contagious laugh. I love watching movies or playing games with Brox because it's so much more fun when he enjoys something. He also has a great smile and is very photogenic. Case in point:

This picture reminds me of why I gave him the nickname "Foxy Broxy." He is so stinking cute! Brox claims he hates that nickname because he thinks it doesn't make him sound "tough."

I know he's really tough and a real boy's boy but I also know he's very sweet. Brox is so kind to the little kids around him, including his 3 younger siblings. Kiara loves her "Boxy" and he is very patient and cute with her. He is also very helpful with me any time I stay with the kids. I can always count on Brox to keep me on schedule and remind me of things that need to get done. He is the most responsible 7-year-old I've ever met!

Brox is very smart and creative too. He has always been interested in art and he just keeps getting better at it. I love seeing the pictures he draws and the way his mind interprets the world around him. Brox has a great imagination.

In a family with 6 kids it could be very tough to be the middle child and not get lost, but Brox has definitely made a name for himself and established his own identity. He loves his big brothers but is turning in to quite the young man himself, finding ways to be unique.

Ben and Brox have a special bond because baseball is Brox's favorite sport too. Brox has caught on to Ben's Red Sox obsession, as well as his despise for the Yankees and when he was around 4 we were in a store and he saw someone with a Yankees hat on. He immediately said, "Oh no, they're Yankees fans. What's wrong with them?" He has had Ben wrapped around his finger ever since then!

Brox is really good at basketball and football too and I'm so impressed with how hard he practices and tries to get better. Brox has always played on the same teams with his big brothers and so the teams they play are always a lot older and bigger than he is, but he doesn't let that stop him or use it as an excuse. He just works that much harder to play well and prove himself.

We also discovered recently that he is awesome at bowling! He beats me every time without bumbers or a ramp!

Brox is such a good example to me of genuine love and goodness. He is a wonderful young man and I miss him so much.

Happy late birthday, Fox. I love you and am so proud to be your aunt!

Love,

Katie

Work in progress

I've been in a bit of a funk lately and I'm afraid it's reached in to my blogging.

You see the past month, well the past couple of months, well 2009 really has been especially challenging for our little family. I won't go in to unnecessary detail or use this as a forum to whine but I will say I've hit some lows recently.

I have had several occasions to doubt my sanity and think I've reached my breaking point.

I have complained endlessly to a loving Father in Heaven, as well as to an amazing father (and mother) in Utah.

I have stated that I'm emotionally spent and that I can't keep running on empty.

And I have also informed anyone that would listen that I can't take a whole lot more.

Most of these whines came in response to roadblocks we've been encountering in our quest to get our next child home. To put it simply, it has been hard.

But as Ben and I were driving home from a Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) class last week, we realized it has to be hard. If it weren't hard we wouldn't learn anything and if we didn't learn anything than there would be no point.

The other thing we realized is how fortunate we really are. There are many people around us, including many readers of this blog, who have been valiantly trying to add to their family for years upon years.

Some have lost a child or children along the way. That is a loss that cannot be put into words and I'm afraid that it's so common that people don't realize how tragic and heartbreaking it really is. We have lost one child, that is enough. To my dear family and friends who have endured this hell multiple times, you know of the respect and admiration of strength I have for you. I could not walk in your shoes.

To those who have endured failed adoptions or multiple year waits, my heart goes out to you. Adoption is not for the faint of heart and there are emotions and struggles involved in the process that nobody can ever imagine unless you've personally traveled the path. It has the power to consume your whole life and make you focus on what's missing in your life, rather than realizing all you have for which to be grateful. This is a struggle for me every day.

As I mentioned, Ben and I attended a wonderful FSA class last week. It was called "Dealing with grief and emotions involved with adoption." In this class the teacher made the point that the grief cycle is pretty much never-ending in adoption and most people move from one phase to another almost non-stop throughout the process. I had never looked at it that way before and I dare say the same philosophy holds true in every aspect of every person's life. It seems everyone is always dealing with anger, depression, bargaining, denial or acceptance in regard to something in their life.

So what phase am I currently enjoying? Acceptance. Finally. Ask me tomorrow and I may very well be back at anger but for today, I am accepting, and loving, my life as is. And what a great life it is!

I have come to the decision that I would rather face rejection after rejection, heartbreak after heartbreak with this man,

than live a carefree life of roses and lemonade without him. He is the reason for my strength (what little I have left) and determination. He is my motivation to do a little better today than I did yesterday and his eternal companionship is the ultimate prize for which I am striving every day. I have to be worthy of him and I will be. His love and support is the most powerful force in my life and I would be a shattered person without it.

And then there's this little girl:

Words can't express the responsibility I feel for her. She is such an example to me of joy and optimisim and she deserves the best mom in the world. I am striving to be as close to that as possible. I may not ever reach "the best" but I can at least do better than I currently am and I know she will be there to encourage me and inspire me along the way. She has started asking me where her brother is and I have promised her that I will get him home eventually. No matter how hard it gets or how much I feel like throwing in the towel, I know I can't let her down and I will keep trying as long as I have to to give her everything she deserves and more.

I have a few birthday posts to catch up on, as well as some miscellaneous posts, but for now I am going to enjoy my current day of acceptance and go play with my daughter. Oh, and I will also be stopping by Sonic during Happy Hour since I couldn't go yesterday. Have I mentioned I'm addicted?

Dear Jonah,

I think you are so cute

and funny

and I can't wait until we can get married.

I love you.

Love,

Kiara

'Tis the season

...Baseball season that is. And since that means Ben is working 14-16 hour days when there are home games, Kiara and I decided to take our second annual "Dad's working so let's go play in Utah" trip.It was a jam packed two weeks but we had a blast! We were running from the minute we landed until the minute we left (except for the two days that she got sick--only the second time she's ever been sick and of course it happened while we were there! At least she didn't throw up on the plane...I don't think I would have ever recovered from that)!

Our first day there my parents watched Kiara and I went to Park City with my three best friends, Allison, Audrey, and Tiff (Tiff's kind of a loser and doesn't have a blog!). These girls are my sisters and together we have weathered divorces, miscarriages, health scares, money scares, trials of faith, family drama, car accidents, and bad boyfriends and we have relished in first kisses, first dates, shopping sprees, new cars, new kids, new jobs, good grades, board game victories, and so so much more. In the end we always come up laughing and making each other stronger and this weekend my girls made me feel strong once again.

We even got matching pajama pants and stayed up way too late laughing and crying and eating. It was a good old fashioned sleep over and I think we're going to have to make it a tradition every time I come to town!

Some other highlights of our trip included a photo shoot of Kiara by my good friend, Kim. If you haven't checked out her blog I strongly encourage you to do so. It will change your life! Here's another link just to make sure you go! Anyway, despite being an all around fabulous person, she is a crazy talented photographer and offered to grab a few shots of Kiara while we were there.
Poor Kim had no idea what she was signing up for with my little diva. Let's just say that an early and short nap, combined with not eating dinner yet, made for a challenging shoot. Kiara made sure we knew she was in charge and only cooperated for a couple of shots. Knowing Kim though, I'm sure she'll still be able to work her magic and get at least one decent pic out of the whole ordeal. Thanks again, Kim! You are the best!

The rest of our trip consisted of a lot of time with family. We went to the zoo, swimming, the movies, and played at everybody's house at least once.
Kiara loves being with her cousins more than anything and always asks for them once we're gone. It is definitely the hardest part about living out of state.
One of the best parts about our trip this time was that we got to see most of Ben's family too. The timing worked out that we were there for Ben's brother's graduation from BYU and his parents and two youngest siblings flew in as well. They live in New Hampshire so we don't get to see them as often as we do my side so we decided it would be worth it to fly Ben in for the weekend to be with them. We had a great time and Kiara loved playing with her aunt and uncle. We decided to not torture them (or me) by making them sit through the three hour graduation ceremony so I took them to a carnival at Tiff's school.

They all had a great time and wore themselves out completely. I think it's so great that Kiara has an aunt and uncle only a few years older than she.
So all in all we had a great trip and a big part of me didn't want to come home. A bigger part of me though couldn't wait one more minute to get back to Ben and be a complete family again. We definitely won't be leaving him again any time soon!